Colossal Incompetence: A Case Study

There are plenty of things in this world that I am incapable of doing well, like synchronized swimming, computer repair, chemistry and dog grooming. Wisely, I chose not to pursue any of these endeavors as a career. Not so, according to my local newspaper, for a young man I’ll call Rob Err, in order to protect his embarrassed mother from further humiliation. 

It seems Rob’s chosen profession was burglary. Recently, he selected a house to break into. He parked his car in front of the house. Convenient, yes. Smart, not so much. He tried to jimmy open a door by using the sophisticated burglary tools he had brought with him, namely, his driver’s license. When that failed, he broke a window.  A neighbor heard glass breaking and came out and took a picture of Rob’s car and its license plate. Highly trained detectives confirmed Rob’s identity by the driver’s license he had thoughtfully left stuck in the door frame. Rob made the front page of the paper.

What would make Rob pursue a career that he so clearly sucks at doing? There are a few possibilities:

  1. Rob intentionally sabotaged himself as a cry for help, believing he would get first rate mental health services for free at the county jail;
  2. Rob is delusional and assumed he was just too smart to get caught;
  3. Rob was shooting for his 15 minutes of fame, the small town edition (in which case he has arguably succeeded); or
  4. Rob is really really really stupid. 

Whatever the reason, I hope Rob uses his time in jail to better himself and choose a new profession. As for Rob’s mother, I hope she makes a quick recovery from the embarrassment of her son’s colossal failure as she unpacks her things and settles into her new home in a town far far away.

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17 thoughts on “Colossal Incompetence: A Case Study

  1. Rob Err last name Ah Dah, actually suffered from the long term effects of a lobotomy… has to be the only explanation.

    What a prune…it’s a funny story and profoundly sad at the same time.

  2. Silver lining for Rob:
    1. He has a roof over his head
    2. He has three meals a day
    3. He has plenty of free time
    4. He has a social circle that all seem to have something in common
    5. And he can probably start studying to be a DR in there, on your taxes.
    NOt so bad!!
    Haha- great post.
    xx

  3. As one who was once married to a criminal defense attorney this happens more than you think – providing great dinner conversations.

    Here’s my favorite: “Alleged” criminals X and Y decide to rob a pawn shop… on SUNDAY. They drive to the back of store and try to break in. Door is metal. X & Y are clever and go get a circular saw. They saw the back door for one hour peeling strips of metal.

    Police car watches the whole adventure, as neighbors called in complaining of horrible noise on quiet Sunday morning. X & Y can’t imagine what went wrong with their plan as they head off to the pokey!

    Tell Rob, remember to bring a tooth brush!

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