The Ronald McDonald Controversy: A Closer Look

Have you heard? Ronald McDonald is under attack for his alleged evil plot to turn little kids into lifelong fast food junkies. Whatever your opinion of fast food, it seems to me that Ronald’s opponents are operating under the mistaken assumption that little kids find the big guy appealing. Personal experience tells me that for every kid who finds clowns funny and friendly, there are three others who are scared out of their pull-ups by clowns. 

Let’s take a closer look at the various features that might make Ronald terrifying to small children, shall we?

  • Ghostly white complexion, reminiscent of death
  • Exaggerated bright red mouth, as one might find on a crazed cannibal or flesh eating zombie
  • Wild reddish orange hair, indicative of one who has had a bad hair salon experience and may be out for reckless revenge
  • Super-sized yellow jumpsuit that may be concealing weapons, monsters, or a whole lot of french fry induced cellulite
  • Gigantic red shoes, capable of crushing small children with one stomp 

I think before we send Ron packing, we owe it to him to conduct a study and find out how many kids are being deterred from a life of fast food out of fear. Could be he’s responsible for millions of children begging their parents to stop at Whole Foods to pick up some lunch. Just a little food for thought…

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32 thoughts on “The Ronald McDonald Controversy: A Closer Look

  1. From your photo, looks like they now have a world-class athlete playing the Big Fry Guy.

    They’re probably making commercials that stress all kinds of exercise in an attempt to deflect attention away from the addictive cellulite-inducing stuff.

  2. Everything is making us and our children fat except us driving to a fast food place or sitting down in a restaurant to a calorie bomb of a meal. It’s pretty funny to me. I have no beef with fast food; they’ve fed me many times when I was low on cash. I fully own my choice to eat crappy sometimes. :-)

      • No, but let’s just say I’ve married into a hair-centered family so I can now appreciate this comment to it’s fullest.

        Although, there was the bowl cut when I was four the day before my brother’s Bar Mitzvah. When I looked in the mirror, my mom said I put my head in my hands, began to cry, and asked, “What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?”

      • I feel your 4 year old pain. When I was little, my mother would sit me on the front steps, scotch tape my bangs to my forehead, trim them along the bottom edge of the tape, and then rip the tape off. Could someone get me an appointment with a good therapist please?

      • At least your moms used guides like bowls and tape. Our mom would eyeball the bangs and, big surprise, they would be crooked. Then she’d try to even them up.

        My sisters and I had 1/2 centimeter tufts of hair sticking out of our foreheads when the carnage was done.

  3. Personally, who cares? If we’re having an intellectual discussion, what about the Burger King king? Maybe, you might want to check with Wall Street and see if Ronald McDonald is making some investors rich. It’s all about the money.

  4. Leave Ronald McDonlad alone Also, stop telling us what to eat and not eat. You “do gooders” have ruined the French Fries!!!! Not fit to eat now!!!

  5. bigsheep; you cracked me up. And here’s to all the passionate supporters of Ronald out there. I hope your next trip is not the one to ER to have your arteries declogged.

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