Sure, I can sit back and order holiday gifts online. And, since I work for myself, I can wander my local stores in the middle of the week when most people are at work. But since watching scenes of Black Friday on the news last night, I can’t help but feel that I’m missing out on the true meaning of the pre-holiday season – frenzied violence.
It may seem intimidating, but shouldn’t we all get into the spirit? If you’d like to join me in next year’s pre-holiday Frenzied Violence, I’m creating a training program to follow. It’s still a little sketchy, but here are the basics.
Book a trip to Spain for July 2012 to participate in the annual Running of the Bulls. Wear red, run fast and try not to be fatally gored.
Travel to Egypt and/or other hot locations of political unrest and do what the locals do – yell, scream, shove and test yourself against tear gas, tanks and rogue military action.
Participate in mixed martial arts tournaments.
Spend a weekend with Occupy Wall Street, fighting the 99 percent to find a clean public restroom.
Identify the U.S. city with the highest concentration of female teenagers. When the final installment of Twilight hits the theaters, travel to that location for the midnight premiere.
Identify the U.S. city with the highest concentration of pre-teen girls and attend a Justin Bieber concert.
Spend a family vacation with the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Alright – so who’s on board? Anyone? Hello…