Good news! If you were in this pageant back in the 1950's, there's a new pageant for you to enter!
Those of you who just can’t turn your eyes away from the train wreck that is reality TV have surely caught a glimpse of Toddlers & Tiaras, where insane mothers living in an alternate reality pretend that they are doing their tiny toddler daughters a profound favor by forcing them to participate in beauty pageants. Perhaps you also saw a recent episode of Dr. Phil, featuring a mom who thought it would be a great bonding experience to enter (and win) the very same beauty pageants as her teenage daughter, a lovely young woman who will now spend the rest of her life attempting to regain a scintilla of self-esteem.
If, in your heart of hearts, you watched and were secretly thinking, “gosh, why isn’t there a beauty pageant that I can enter?,” I’ve got a gift for you!
“It’s time to recruit for our Over Forty Beauty Pagent (sic) in South Florida, We are looking for women who are 40 and over, have a bikini body and a positive attitude for our event in South Florida at the end of January, 2012.”
This was posted verbatim on a LinkedIn discussion group, so that mature professional women like myself could propel their careers to new heights by claiming this coveted crown. Sadly, I am not in possession of a bikini body (nor have I ever been) and no one has ever accused me of having a positive attitude, at least not with a straight face.
But, I know that plenty of my fine blog friends are over 40 and must surely be rockin’ bikini bods and sassy attitudes, so I felt compelled to share this wonderful opportunity. Please let us know if you enter so we can cheer you on. (I hear Bert Parks may even make a guest appearance from the great beyond to serenade the winner.)
Also, I am desperately hoping that TLC will turn this into a reality TV show, thus providing endless fodder for future blog posts.
January 4, 2012 at 2:03 pm
You seem certain that you are not in possession of the required bikini body. Was there a definition of this term in the advertisement? Surely we are all in possession of a body such of this.
January 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Hmmm, perhaps you’re right. Then again, we can always GET a bikini body with a little aggressive plastic surgery. So, are you going to throw your bikini body into the ring?
January 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Nope…not entering. Can I say my excuse is I don’t live in South Florida?
January 4, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Works for me.
January 4, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I’m looking forward to seeing… uhhh… I mean… reading about the new recruits!
January 4, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Oh, me too – should be fascinating or horrifying, I’m not sure which.
January 4, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Hey, that sounds like a great show – I’d watch it. But you know I love me some Toddlers & Tiaras. Love your photo. I bet the contestant from the great state of Canada was the winner.
January 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm
What? You’re not going to enter? I’m disappointed – you’d look so amazing in a tiara!
January 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm
You’re right, I WOULD look amazing in a tiara. In a bikini? Not so much.
January 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm
But it’s the talent portion of the pageant that really counts, right?
January 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm
It is NOT a beauty pageant, it is a scholarship competition.
January 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm
OF COURSE! Brains before boobs.
January 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm
It’s pretty bad when my Aunt has a better bikini bod than I. Maybe I’ll forward this to her, we are FB friends after all…
January 4, 2012 at 8:13 pm
There’s always the Miss Congeniality Award…
January 4, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Of course, I have a bikini body… as long as I can mix/match on sizes… I need a small bikini top and a really big bikini bottom.
January 4, 2012 at 10:21 pm
Size doesn’t matter – as Peg pointed out, it’s all about the scholarships, right? So, does this mean you’re in?
January 5, 2012 at 12:05 am
All about the scholarships – and money to go to medical school so they can save the world from disease…as well as provide a positive role model ( or should that be roll model?)
January 5, 2012 at 10:46 am
Yes, that and world peace and an end to cellulite.
January 5, 2012 at 3:29 am
OK. I can’t do it this year, because I’m uh, busy. Fine. I don’t have a bikini bod. Yet. But now that you have given me incentive, I will try to be ready for next year’s event. I’ve already got the talent portion covered with my Sound of Music repertoire.
January 5, 2012 at 10:47 am
An excellent choice. Maybe one of those Toddler & Tiara moms will coach you (hope you like spray tans and teeth flippers)!
January 5, 2012 at 11:50 am
What the heck are teeth flippers?
January 5, 2012 at 11:54 am
Fake teeth – sooo creepy on little girls.
January 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Wow, I could be your roving reporter covering the event… I could wear a mu mu to mask my non-bikini body, see how much a spray tan goes for. Kitchen Counselor here on S. Beach at the Over 40 pageant. The plastic surgeons line the stand rooting for their patient to win, oh, the possibilities are endless!! Sending it back to bigsheepcommunications…
January 5, 2012 at 1:20 pm
You’re hired! Make sure to get behind the scenes and fill us in on the REAL scoop!
January 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm
I’ve got the sass, but not the bod, sadly. I’ll have to content myself with the smug satisfaction of NOT watching the inevitable reality show.
January 8, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Sometimes, that’s all we can do. I’ll be watching with you!