As a huge proponent of education, I’m always excited to stumble upon new educational opportunities. After all, college is not for everyone and learning should be a lifelong endeavor. And, in these tough economic times, educational opportunities that prepare one for a lucrative career are especially valuable.

Therefore, it is with great pleasure that I share with you this remarkable opportunity, the New York Reality TV School. I know there are those of you out there who long to be a Real Housewife, a controversial toddler beauty contestant mom, or a contestant on the Amazing Race, Project Runway or Cupcake Wars. Perhaps you simply want to have your life chronicled ad nauseum like the Kardashians or the Gosselins. Whatever reality TV dream floats your boat, the Reality TV School wants to make it a reality.

Students can choose from an intensive one day seminar, an extensive five week course, or one-on-one coaching that will allow them to “take their place as authentic, confident and vibrant real people, entertainers and personalities on any reality TV show.” Among the many important Reality TV skills students will learn to master are things like auditioning, Reality TV conflict, the “re-contextualizing of actual events,” and dealing with extreme personalities in close quarters.

Certainly, the curriculum provides a good foundation, but I’m hoping the school will expand and cover other critical topics, like:

  • How to create drama out of thin air
  • How to be offended by even the most benign comments
  • How to use alcohol to ramp up the action in any social situation
  • How to pretend that dressing like a hooker is classy
  • Cosmetic surgery primer – what to nip, what to skip
  • Intensive workshop on inserting the F word into virtually any sentence
  • Choosing your frenemies
  • Pathetic victim vs. outrageous bully – how to choose the right on-air persona

Finally, for those successful graduates who make it big in Reality TV, there should a graduate-level program to propel students from short-lived fame to long-lasting (i.e., beyond a single TV season) fame and fortune. Topics would include:

  • Parlaying your fame into your own line of clothing, perfume, jewelry and other “must have” stuff for a vast consumer population of Reality TV wannabees.
  • How to stage a lavish wedding that earns you big bucks
  • How to time your divorce so that it yields maximum controversy, aka publicity
  • Pros and cons of celebrity rehab programs
  • How to make those pesky criminal charges work for you, including a mug shot workshop taught by Nick Nolte and the LAPD

You know, even if this type of educational opportunity is not for you, we’ll all benefit from the professionalism of well-trained Reality TV stars.  Surely some philanthropist out there will see the value of this education and start a scholarship program. Education, it’s such a beautiful thing.