War is a small but very serious word. It’s defined as “a state of open, armed, often prolonged conflict carried on between nations, states, or parties.” It evokes images of soldiers, weapons, tanks and bombs, and the inevitable tragic loss of life.

So, why in the world are we attaching such a serious little word to events of monumental unimportance, like:

Cupcake Wars: Neither the cupcakes nor their bakers engage in any sort of armed conflict on this show. To be accurate, it’s really more of a cupcake beauty pageant.

Storage Wars: This TV show involves the competitive world of blind bidding on the contents of abandoned storage units. Will the crap in the storage unit be worth more than the purchase price? Will obnoxious bidder #1 successfully outbid even more obnoxious bidder #2?  Does anybody care? This nonsense does not even rise to the level of sibling rivalry, much less war.

Parking Wars: I’ve never watched this show, but I gather from the promos that it revolves around real people getting parking tickets and their over-the-top outbursts about the injustice of the parking tickets, the sizes of the fines, and the hassle of getting their cars out of impound. I’m sorry, but I just can’t justify using the word “war” to describe a series of irate screaming ticket recipients who are more likely to suffer self-inflicted heart attacks than enemy gunfire.

Shipping Wars: I haven’t seen this one either, but here’s the official A&E description. “Each episode of ‘Shipping Wars’ dives into the cutthroat world of these heavy-duty movers as they battle for the chance to transport the unshippable.” Seriously? Unless these guys are exchanging artillery fire as they crawl through traffic on I-95 or the Jersey Turnpike, I think the “war” label is a little strong, don’t you?

I love playing with words, but some words demand more respect than others, and this is one of them. However, in the interest of peace and harmony, I’m going to give the producers of these TV shows the benefit of the doubt and assume it was simply a lack of imagination, not a lack of respect, that gave rise to these inappropriately named programs.