Is there an auditory equivalent of doing a double-take? You know, you’re driving along and see something unusual by the side of the road, like a guy walking two llamas on leashes, so you whip your head around to confirm what you think you saw? (For the record, I have seen a guy walking two llamas on leashes in the parking lot of our local courthouse. I blogged about it a while ago, but I’m too lazy this morning to find the post and give you a link. Sorry.)
This morning I was driving along, listening to a talk radio program. I was enduring the usual commercials for Lasik surgery, bariatric surgery, a local plumbing company and a cosmetic surgeon who has not only “enhanced” some really famous, but unnamed, reality TV stars, but who also offers the latest and greatest advance in breast implants. These miracle implants are far more natural in touch and appearance than the typical implants, says the spokeswoman. They are, she says, “Gummy Bear Implants.”
Gummy bears call an emergency meeting to discuss the latest outrage.
That’s where the auditory double-take occurred, though I managed not to veer off the road despite the vivid and disturbing double-D image that the term “Gummy Bear Implants” evoked in my head. I try not to judge, at least not out loud, but I was already troubled by a culture that finds it desirable to surgically shove silicone filled balloons into women’s breasts. And now? To corrupt the innocent gummy bear with such a barbaric fate is simply more than I can handle, not to mention the difficulty those women are going to have finding bras that fit.
I’m seriously thinking about switching radio stations. Then again, I wouldn’t want to miss out on future llamas on leashes, you know?
Wow. I wonder if they taste like gummy bears… that was my first thought and I swear to you I am not a lesbian!!! Kat
No, no, it’s okay – the whole concept causes disturbing thoughts.
Were the llamas going to the dentist? (Hoping that someone gets the reference)
I don’t get that reference. Will you enlighten me?
That’s hysterical! Hope she followed up by bringing that llama to the orthodontist
“I try not to judge- at least out loud” – good one!
That doesn’t sound like a very effective marketing ploy – what’s sexy about gummy bears?
Maybe it’s just indicative of our juvenile obsession with breasts (e.g., the now infamous “Boobs” song from the Oscars).
Gummie Bear Boobs. Now there is a marketable candy. You could make a fortune with them. Of course I can’t imagine why anyone would want to insert them into their body. Maybe if if they came with a zipper option so if necessary you could indulge in a snack and refill them later?
Eew.
Now I am imagining Gummy Boobs… candy shaped like boobs instead of bears… what is wrong with me?!?!?!
My apologies – it’s my fault for sharing :/
No, its not your fault… I think some deeply hidden, demented part of myself just emerged… one thought keeps leading to another… gummy genitalia… oh god. Maybe I should go take a nap…
A nap and a little therapy perhaps?
I could have sooooooo much fun with this one, but I grew up. Thank you for the smile…
Your restraint and maturity is greatly appreciated (not to mention exceedingly rare)
Heehee… Thank you.
Oh my. This takes the cake – er, gummy bear. It’s just too funny. Sticky note for sure.
Tee hee.
I love it! The weird thoughts going through my head at crazy, in a fun sort of way. Thanks for sharing (I think?!). And I love the llama to the dentist. I did not know that reference but will now never forget it! I’ve learned a lot today. Too much of a good thing can be overwhelming.
Learning is good, right? Weird thoughts are to be expected – hopefully, they’ll fade away…
If women are getting gummy bear boob implants, perhaps guys that need penile implants could start using gummy worms?!? Sorry, you can ban me from your site now
Steve, I’d never ban you, but maybe you’d like a referral to addercatter’s therapist?
I am a little confused here. Do they make breast-implant shaped gummies, or are the new boobs way lumpier than the old ones.
Inquiring minds want to know.
Inquiring minds also want you to invest in satelite radio where I only hear ads for “discreet affairs.” Perhaps the two companies should hook up.
I was picturing gummy bear-shaped implants with a sticky chewy sort of texture, but who knows? Satellite radio might be just the solution for me
Satellite radio is wonderful. I can almost pretend there is no such thing as country music except at those times when I want to be depressed and listen to it.
Truthfully, I usually have the radio on in the car, but most of the time I pay no attention and tune it out anyway. Of course, every now and then, something catches my attention, like gummy bear implants.
They just, ahem, stick in your mind, don’t they, those gummies.
Groan, yes.
Gummy bear implants?!? Now that’s just wrong. It’s been a while since I ate gummy bears, but aren’t they kinda… hard and rubbery? I’m not sure how sexy that would be…
On another note, I once saw a llama running wild and free across the Saskatchewan prairie in the middle of winter. That was a bit of a double-take, too, since I was about five hours into a twelve-hour drive and I wasn’t sure if I was hallucinating or not. (I wasn’t. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.)
I agree with you – it’s WRONG on so many levels. Good to know I’m not the only one randomly seeing llamas where they shouldn’t be ;-D
crazy! How would that cause infections? It’s surgically placing FOOD into your body, that is not meant to be digested, nutritive, or passed once the first two usual functions have done their work. I’ll have to ask my Nurse/MD friends about this. Especially my Plastic Surgeon friend. He has 4 kids, so I have a feeling he would find this very amusing! Thanks for another hysterical post! ~Ilene
Crazy and creepy!
Reblogged this on The Blurred Line and commented:
That ain’t no place for a Gummy Bear! Come on you just got to read it. After a truly horrible day it made me giggle like a loon.