Oh Martha, you crack me up. It’s not that I don’t admire your creativity, your multimillion (billion?) dollar media empire or your ubiquitous line of Martha Stewart home products, but still, you crack me up.
For decades, you have taken DIY to a whole new level, especially when it comes to celebrating holidays. Christmas? Plan ahead and plant some evergreen seedlings on your vast Connecticut property and nurture them into perfect 12 foot Christmas tree specimens suitable for display in any palatial home.
Easter? Gather fresh eggs from the chickens you raise in your backyard chicken coop, extract dyes in various colors from indigenous plants that grow on your property, and create unique one-of-a-kind masterpiece orbs that rival the renowned Faberge eggs.
Now, of course, Halloween is nearly upon us and Martha has once again fired up her creativity to come up with some very special ideas, which she kindly demonstrated for us on a recent Today Show. It starts with little orange treat bags, stamped with bats, spiders or other Halloweenish images, and stuffed with the candy of your choice. (Personally, I was shocked that Martha used store bought candy and neglected to show us how to make Milky Way bars at home. Appalling.) Next, use thumb tacks to attach the filled bags to something round, which I’m guessing was a Styrofoam ball or perhaps a real pumpkin, but I missed that part. The little trick-or-treaters can come up onto your porch and yank a bag off the pumpkin.
Okay, cute idea, but Martha had special treats for the parents of the trick-or-treaters too because they get tired of schlepping around the neighborhood in the dark with a flashlight and deserve a little mid-trick-or-treat pick-me-up. That’s why Martha was making them martinis, special Halloween martinis, because on Halloween it would be wrong to just stick an olive in the martini, right?
Special Halloween martinis come with a creepy eyeball instead of a boring olive. And, since I KNOW you want to make your own Halloween martinis, here’s how to make the creepy eyeballs, courtesy of Martha. Take a radish and peel off most of the red skin, but leave a few streaks of red so it looks like a veiny bloodshot eyeball. Hollow out an indention in one end and stick an olive (with pimento) in it. Voila, instant creepy eyeball!
I suppose some parents bring their own beverages along for the candy pilgrimage, but never have I lived in a neighborhood where trick or treating included a progressive neighborhood happy hour. Then again, few of us have the privilege of living down the block from Martha.
However your neighborhood celebrates Halloween, please remember that mixing alcohol and large quantities of chocolate can be dangerous. Please trick or treat responsibly.