There are plenty of things in this world that I am incapable of doing well, like synchronized swimming, computer repair, chemistry and dog grooming. Wisely, I chose not to pursue any of these endeavors as a career. Not so, according to my local newspaper, for a young man I’ll call Rob Err, in order to protect his embarrassed mother from further humiliation.
It seems Rob’s chosen profession was burglary. Recently, he selected a house to break into. He parked his car in front of the house. Convenient, yes. Smart, not so much. He tried to jimmy open a door by using the sophisticated burglary tools he had brought with him, namely, his driver’s license. When that failed, he broke a window. A neighbor heard glass breaking and came out and took a picture of Rob’s car and its license plate. Highly trained detectives confirmed Rob’s identity by the driver’s license he had thoughtfully left stuck in the door frame. Rob made the front page of the paper.
What would make Rob pursue a career that he so clearly sucks at doing? There are a few possibilities:
- Rob intentionally sabotaged himself as a cry for help, believing he would get first rate mental health services for free at the county jail;
- Rob is delusional and assumed he was just too smart to get caught;
- Rob was shooting for his 15 minutes of fame, the small town edition (in which case he has arguably succeeded); or
- Rob is really really really stupid.
Whatever the reason, I hope Rob uses his time in jail to better himself and choose a new profession. As for Rob’s mother, I hope she makes a quick recovery from the embarrassment of her son’s colossal failure as she unpacks her things and settles into her new home in a town far far away.