Sunday Specials

Companies are in business to make money and that often means creating products that solve common problems. I’m cool with that.

On the other hand, I couldn’t help noticing certain themes while flipping through the pile of coupon inserts in the Sunday paper, themes I’m not so cool with.

Theme #1: We have bladder control issues. On one page, Kirstie Allie is pushing Poise light bladder leakage pads. Take it from the Poise Fairy, period pads are for your period. Flip the page and there’s actress Lisa Rinna looking sexy in a curve-hugging black dress despite the fact that she’s wearing Depends adult diapers underneath (no word on whether or not she shimmied her diapered self into a pair of Spanx before putting on the dress).

Theme #2: We have a multitude of health problems. Heartburn? Save $3 on Pepcid! Allergies? Save $4 on Zyrtec! Itchy red eyes? Save $2 on Visine! Painful gas? Save $1 on Gas-X! Painful Feet? Save 50% on Therapeutic Cozy Toes – good for bunions hammer toes, toe cramps, plantar fasciitis and more! Arthritis pain? Save $2 while you put your pain to sleep with Pain Bust RII!

Theme #3: We must never ever succumb to reality by looking our age. Color your hair for 8 weeks of luminous shine and fade-defiance; slather on Age Perfect Hydra-Nutrition for firmer, more supple and resilient skin; don’t forget Revitalift Anti-Wrinkle + Firming with stimuplex technology, followed by Visible Lift foundation and concealer for 5, yes 5, anti-aging benefits. But wait! How about saving $5 on DermaSilk 5 Minute Face Lift which exhorts us all to STOP LOOKING YOUR AGE (undoubtedly a deadly sin that will send you straight to hell)?

Theme #4: We exist on a diet of total crap. Want to save money at the grocery store this week? Clip coupons for Chips Ahoy cookies, Nutri-Grain Cereal Bars (don’t assume “nutri” equates to nutritious), ice cream, Ball Park franks (you don’t want to know what’s in hot dogs – trust me on this), candy, frozen Chinese food, and Grande tortilla chips.

Admittedly I ripped out a few coupons (I’m too lazy to cut them out neatly with a scissors and usually forget to bring them to the store) – I color my hair, pop antihistamines during pollen season, and sometimes eat stuff for reasons that have nothing to do with nutrition. Still, I refuse to believe I’m as pathetic as the coupon inserts suggest.

Here’s an idea. Instead of saving a little bit of money by using those coupons when buying those products, let’s save a lot of money by not buying the products at all! Who’s with me?

37 thoughts on “Sunday Specials

  1. Woohoo! I agree completely though I probably will buy the Poise pads if and when I need them. Apparently 1 in 3 women suffer from bladder leakage and the stats are even higher amongst those of us who are over 40 and who have given birth.

  2. Woo-hoo another shopper (and yes, I do shop) who doesn’t buy anything attached to a coupon. But then I sniff…because, it’s a conspiracy to not offer me any % off on anything I buy..sniff, boo-hoo. They tease me with their promising pieces of paper that upon closer look don’t interest me.

  3. I’m with you too. Since I never remember to bring coupons with me to the store, I have stopped even looking at all those inserts. I knew I enjoyed junk food and take stuff for stuffy nose when–duh!–my nose is stuffy But all that other stuff I was did not really even know I should be worrying about. Thanks for the post!

  4. I don’t spend much money on meds (but I think I am just lucky). And I don’t need Depends yet or (very much) junk food. But don’t take away my anti-aging beauty products!

  5. I’m with you, especially since most of the coupons are for products that are part of the Standard American Diet.which I choose not to follow. The acronym for this diet is S A D! Actually, by not following the SAD diet, you could very well help your body and avoid health issues that need those other coupons! Oh, one more thing…happy to say I am 67 and no need for Poise…so much for statistics.

  6. I too clip the coupons and never remember to bring them. I spend time monthly pitching expired coupons. It is those crazy “extreme” coupon shows that have women with a whole store in their basement and the store actually pays them to take their stuff that make me feel I have to even try. The rules must be different here in Canada though as I have never heard of being able to do any of this extreme stuff here.

  7. This is so true, and so funny (and pathetic). It seems the availability of coupons for a food is directly proportional to how processed it is. Raw veggies = no coupons. Fake food nutri-bars = coupons.

  8. Thank you! Someone finally said it! There are so many bladder control commercials out there it is getting ridiculous! First whoopie, now Kirstie- it’s like all the huge female comedy headliners of 80s movies are shilling pee pads! While Jamie lee Curtis won’t stop with the digestion problems fix all: yogurt. Women in advertising over 50 in the year 2012: pee pads and yogurt. Not good people. We are more than this!

  9. I wish you hadn’t mentioned the Chips Ahoy; now I’m hungry. I can abstain from the other products, but not the Chips Ahoy! Actually, I stopped buying them when I realized I could eat an entire bag in one sitting because I like them so much. Also, I just awarded you the “Just Kidding” award. No strings, you just enjoy the award. Here is the link to the award post if you are interested:


    • Cookies are the junk food equivalent of nicotine, aren’t they? Thank you so much for the award, ESPECIALLY since it has no strings attached because, well, I’m lazy and I don’t want to provide 100 little known facts about myself or otherwise strain my synapses. Seriously, I appreciate the award and I’m glad I can make you chuckle now and then😀

  10. I never see coupons for kale. [[sigh]] There, got that off my chest. Now I’m going back to read the rest of the comments. Thanks for this great post.

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