Things One Should Not Do at Walmart

We’ve all been there. You’re shopping/schlepping through Walmart with a big list of stuff to buy. In the cart is your restless toddler. Distraction is key. Can you provide enough forms of distraction to keep the toddler below the tantrum ignition threshold until you’ve safely finished your shopping and are headed out of the parking lot?

By all means, break out the cheerios, hand the kid your keys, your iPhone, your lipstick, or grab a cute little stuffed animal or inexpensive toy off the shelf.



But whatever you do, DO NOT arm that child with a bicycle horn. Bicycle horns are for use outside, where you might have to warn pedestrians or other cyclists that you are coming up behind them. While your child might find the horn endlessly amusing, use of the horn deflects the tantrum potential onto all the other shoppers in the store.

Hell, no.

Hell, no.

It’s selfish, not to mention potentially dangerous. Harried unstable shoppers may well fly into fits of rage and ram their shopping carts into the premature Christmas displays, or track down the parent of said horn-tooting toddler so that they can helpfully suggest alternative uses for the bicycle horn, none of which involve a bicycle.

So, yeah, I just got home from a Sunday afternoon trip to Walmart. I think I’ll do all my shopping online for a while, you know, just until I regain my hearing.

38 thoughts on “Things One Should Not Do at Walmart

  1. There’s a reason that stuff like that says “not a toy,” you know. But then again, it IS Walmart, and extreme children call for extreme entertainment.

  2. good post, but just think of the poor beggars working there. I’m in retail, and I promise you we have to put of with the “little darlings ” every day, let alone all of the other rude and inconsiderate beggars we have to serve.

  3. The number one thing that should not be done at walmart is entering the building. That place is just a beacon of horrors… I saw a woman pop her crying child in the face with a check book and laugh at his obvious humiliation. This was like 6 years ago but I can’t forget it. It was after 10PM, cold outside, and the kid wasn’t wearing socks. I wanted to go all jungle on her and just leap across the aisle with my claws out.

    This probably wasn’t the best thing to comment as a first time passerby. Um, I swear sometimes I have normal observations as well.

    • I welcome all comments, normal or not. Having said that, it’s completely normal to be disgusted when you see a parent mistreat a child like that. It is also completely normal to feel your soul being sucked out of your body as you enter Walmart. On a positive note, no matter which yoga pants or sweatshirt I have on, I’m almost always the best dressed customer in there:-/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s