‘Tis the season – the season for unrealistic expectations followed by the inevitable crash and burn of disappointment. How many of these things are you planning to put yourself through this holiday season?
1. You expect that somehow, despite decades of evidence to the contrary, your family get-together will be a blissful affair, with angelic children sitting in rapt attention by the fireplace as grandpa reads “The Night Before Christmas;” adult siblings enjoying one another’s company with not a hint of competition or resentment; in-laws happily allowing you to do things your way; everyone eating and drinking in merry moderation; and you pulling it all off without breaking a sweat.
2. You believe a perfect gift exists for each person on your list and you are damn well going to find it, even if it’s Christmas Eve and the overnight shipping will cost more than the gift itself.
3. Similarly, you expect your significant other will pick out, purchase, and lovingly wrap the perfect gift for you, even though you have no idea what that might be.
4. You are determined to get the perfect family photo for the Christmas card, you know, the one that depicts the fictional family of your imagination, rather than your actual family.
5. You eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink, knowing how badly you’re going to feel, but thinking, “Hey, it’s Christmas, what’s Christmas without a little (fill in your family’s standard Christmas food/drink excesses)?
6. You veer way out of your normal routine, staying up way too late, foregoing meals to compensate for all the crap you’re eating, and deciding that skipping your regular exercise routine for a few days or weeks is no big deal.
7. You believe that the office Christmas party is one big competition and that, this year, you will finally out-cookie the office baking maven, whose Christmas cookies and cakes are legendary.
8. You conveniently forget the hell of holiday traveling and think you can arrive at your destination unscathed, with no airline delays or traffic nightmares, ready to embrace your family with holiday cheer.
9. You expect to accomplish all holiday related tasks by yourself and that people will notice, appreciate and thank you for all that you did.
10. You finish up the holidays by comparing the reality of your holiday to the unreality of everyone else’s newly posted holiday Facebook photos.
Once you’ve tortured yourself through Christmas, it will be time to look ahead and make some seriously unrealistic New Year’s resolutions. Who wants to start?